There comes a point in time where your home may no longer suit your family’s needs and/or lifestyle. Here are my top tips to get you in the mindset of planning for the long term, whether it be a renovation or a new home.
Location
Before you spend a cent, make sure you like your location. Quiet friendly streets with a family might be more beneficial long term than river views on a busy arterial street.
Planning
Plan a home that suits you for the next 15 years. Think about the function for small children to late teens. Separate living areas allow space or design open plan living areas that can be closed off, for example by barn doors.
Storage
Build more than you need – you will never regret it. Did you know good storage is worth more than a third bathroom on the real estate market and costs a lot less! Think mud rooms, walk-in linens, window seats and larger garages.
Style
Pinterest and Instagram are great for inspiration but, if you want to find your style, look in your wardrobe. Look at items and colours of your favourite pieces to give you a sense of what you will love for a long time to come.
Wish List
Work out what are your non-negotiables and prioritise these in your budget. If you can’t afford the items immediately, add provisions so that you can install them later. An example of this could be a gas point and planned area for a built in BBQ Kitchen in your alfresco.
Ask for Help
It is not overindulgent to hire an Interior Designer to help. Believe me – you will second guess yourself a lot when there are a lot of decisions, and some of us will google till midnight, making sure we picked the right exterior colour. Professionals will save you making mistakes that could be costly, but will also point out things to incorporate in the early stages. For example, putting power points in the bedroom in the right location so that you can have lamps on your bedside without extension cords.
Kelly Negus is the Interior Designer behind Connected Interiors, is a mother of two vibrant children, Zara and Clancy, and has lived in Alfred Cove for 14 years.
Kelly is a huge advocate that stunning interior design needn’t cost the earth. Renowned for being a meticulous researcher and a bargain-hunter, she loves helping clients save on their renovations, extensions and new homes.
Kelly has worked in the property industry since 2007, both designing, renovating and building family homes and furnishing apartments for owner occupiers, displays and investors. She has completed studies at the Interior Design Institute – Australia.
A Channel Mum survey found that 90% of mums feel lonely and 80% want more mum friends.
We are wired for connection and despite the fact that we’re rarely physically alone as mothers, many mothers feel very lonely and isolated.
This is because loneliness doesn’t require you to be alone. Loneliness occurs when you have fewer relationships than you desire in your life, or they are not of the quality or depth you desire.
The key is really emotional connection.
If we feel we aren’t understood or heard, or that we can’t be our authentic selves with anyone, then we’re much likely to feel lonely and isolated.
The good news is that we have complete control over changing this situation and feeling more connected by getting out there and making new friends.
But it’s so awkward…
The same Channel Mum survey found that a third of mums have never taken the initiative or started a conversation that led to friendship.
It’s just so awkward sometimes, isn’t it?
Are you ever lost for words when starting a conversation with someone new?
Are you consumed with worrying about whether they will like you or judge you?
Do you find it hard to approach the groups of mums that seem to know each other so well?
Or, are you so exhausted that it just feels all too hard?
Meeting new mum friends can feel like dating sometimes, and yes, it’s really hard to have a proper conversation when you’re constantly interrupted by the little loves of your life.
But it’s worth it.
Because real, fulfilling connections in our lives have a positive impact on our physical, mental and emotional wellbeing and even impacts the way we parent. Plus, it’s always worthwhile to remember that we are modelling how to have healthy relationships for our children.
Before you even leave the house…
Many of us unintentionally make connecting with others much harder than it needs to be.
How?
By holding onto stories and beliefs that make connecting scary and risky.
For example:
“I’m so awkward”
“I never know what to say”
“No one will want to talk to me”
“I’m not good enough to be a friend to these mums”
“Making friends is so hard”
“Everyone else already knows someone here. They aren’t looking for new friends”
“I need to be more _______ for them to like me”
“If I invite someone to catch up they might reject me”
“Everyone rejects me”
“I don’t want to bother them”
When we tell ourselves these things, our brains will do anything to talk us out of actually trying to connect so we don’t have to feel any emotional pain.
What are your beliefs about connecting with others?
Are they helping you connect confidently or making it really scary to connect?
If you were confident about connecting, what would you believe instead?
Let me give you an example.
Let’s say you believe that making friends is so hard. Your brain will constantly be looking for evidence to back this up (it likes to be right!). So even if you do make a friend, it will perceive this as an exception.
If you think that making friends is hard, you’ll feel that it takes a lot of effort and perhaps is even a hassle. You may attribute the fact that it’s hard, to something that is wrong with you, which makes it even harder to put yourself out there.
If, instead, you chose to believe that making friends is easy and that you are friendly and interesting, you would feel much more willing to talk to someone new and see what happens. You’re also much less likely to take it personally if things don’t progress.
Your beliefs and stories can change how you feel, how you act and of course, the outcome.
I want to also take a moment to focus on the fear of being judged. This is one of the most common fears people have, so it’s not limited to mums!
If you fear being judged, know this; when someone judges you, it’s not about you. It’s about them and what they think you should be like (which is irrelevant). Plus, it is usually related to something they are judging themselves for. If someone does judge you, then you’ve just received some important information about them and you may decide they are not the right person to build a friendship with. However, most people aren’t judging us, so it’s more helpful to assume the best rather than the worst.
Where to find new mum friends
When you’re ready to take your empowering beliefs and stories on the road and find new mum friends, here are some places to start:
Mothers groups, playgroups or other support groups in your local area
Online forums (I have found online friendships to be very supportive, but you may also be able to organise to meet in person if the forum is a local one)
Neighbours, friends of your friends, other community groups or activity groups you are part of (exercise classes, art classes, volunteering groups, book clubs, etc.)
The places you go in your daily routine – at the park, the library, in a queue, at the play area at the shopping centre
Your children’s school or activities
Online friendships are great, but nothing can replace face-to-face connection so make sure you have some of those.
Ok, I’ve found a place to potentially meet other mums. What should I do now?
So, you’re now in a place where you can connect with others. What do you actually do and say?
Firstly, take the focus off yourself, and be curious and interested in others. This leaves less headspace for your fears and self-doubts.
Then:
Be available for connection – make eye contact with others (not your phone).
Offer smiles readily (who doesn’t love to receive a warm smile!)
Find something you genuinely like about a mum or her child and offer a compliment.
Ask questions. Start simple; “what’s your daughter’s name?”, ”do you live in the area?”, “have you been coming here for a while?”. As the conversation and relationship progresses, you can ask about their background, opinions and experiences. Keep it relevant to the conversation and keep the conversation flowing in-between so it’s not like an interrogation.
Look for things you have in common.
Really listen to what they’re saying. Observe body language and the emotion in what they’re communicating. Often when people are talking, we aren’t really listening because we’re too caught up in thinking about what we will say next. Just listen and respond once you have fully understood.
Tell them about you. Self-disclosure is a great way to build trust and connection. Just don’t overwhelm them with all your deepest darkest secrets straight away. Share honestly and openly to a level that you feel comfortable with. People can feel when you are being yourself and it’s magnetic!
Be generous and helpful. Pick up something they dropped, retrieve their child’s hat, help them get the pram down the stairs, or offer information that would help them (if they ask for it).
Once you have decided that you want to get to know someone better, then you can invite them for a playdate or coffee, connect with them on social media so you can chat more, ask them to join you at an activity (for you or your children), or simply offer to exchange numbers.
Come and join us in the Melville Mums Facebook group– it’s a friendly, supportive space where you can meet other mums, ask for advice and seek recommendations on local family-friendly places to go & things to do.
Have realistic expectations
Relationships take time and are built on a series of conversations, so keep your expectations realistic. You’re not likely to have a new best friend straight away! That’s ok and is no indication of where the friendship might go.
Also, know that you won’t click with everyone. We have enough to fit into our lives, without having to worry about friendships that don’t feel right. Let them go. It’s best for everyone.
Lastly, remember that mum life is full. You know yourself that there are seasons where you can only barely get through the essentials. If someone doesn’t reply to your messages, or declines your first invitation to catch up, don’t automatically assume they don’t want to get to know you. She might be feeling vulnerable herself, or she may be struggling to stay on top of everything in her own life. Just try again or move on if you feel that’s better. Your tribe is out there and you will find them.
You, lovely mum, deserve to feel connected and loved by people who are right for you. Make connection a priority in your life and you will see so many benefits.
Louise East is a Mindset and Life Coach for mums who want to feel happier, calmer, more confident and more fulfilled. She loves helping mums uncover and rewrite the stories and beliefs that are no longer serving them so they can achieve their goals and grow in self-belief and self-love. She is awife, mum to a 5 year old, step mum to 3 young adults and now even a super cool, young grandma to 2 gorgeous babies! Louise offers complimentary 30 mins calls to mums who want to explore how they can honour their needs and create the life they want. To schedule your call email louise@moretomum.com.au. You can find more help and inspiration for mum life at https://www.moretomum.com.au or follow Louise on Facebook or Instagram @moretomum.
If you have young children, playgroup can be a great way to meet other local families and let the little ones play in a fun, safe environment.
Below is a comprehensive list of local playgroups in the Melville area (by suburb). Simply click on the playgroup name for more information such as cost, session dates and appropriate age range. Many playgroups are members of Playgroup WA so this is another great resource for local information.
If you think art is just for fun, think again! Below are just some of the benefits of participating in art-based activities, and they don’t apply only to kids! It might be time for us all to pick up that paintbrush and tap into our creativity.
1. Encourages creative thinking
Creative thinking uses a part of the brain that affects emotional perception and visual imagery. Decision making and problem solving skills are continually called upon in art as there are many decisions to be made about colour, design and materials.
2. Builds confidence & self-esteem
Art develops a child’s perceptual abilities, extending their vision to see elements such as line, shape, colour and composition. But most important is the feeling of success a child gets from completing their artwork. Not only does it build confidence and self-esteem but it gives them a sense of accomplishment that can have ongoing affects in other areas of their life.
3. Sparks innovation
Art teaching in school is sometimes viewed as an optional extra but is essential for successful societies of the future. Research acknowledges creativity as crucial for innovation and, through curiosity and imaginative play, children can build on their creative and critical thinking processes, paving the way for future innovation.
Creativity, problem solving and developing our imaginations are as essential as math and reading if we expect kids to solve the problems of the 21st century.
– Professor Ewing, University of Sydney
4. Improves literacy, numeracy & social skills
There are growing concerns in the educational community that the increased focus on literacy and numeracy, that nationalised testing has brought, has resulted in funding cuts to education in the arts due to limited resources. Research conducted in the United States showed that not only can arts education improve skills in numeracy and literacy, but also show improvements in social development through teamwork, confidence and self-worth. Research also showed that students who study art are 3 to 4 times more likely to be recognised for academic achievement.
Well-known Perth artist and educator, Jane McKay, began the Creative Kids Art Club in 2011 to meet the demands of parents and to provide access to specialised art education for children aged 5 to 14 through after school and holiday classes.
The classes aim to fill that gap in creative education by providing quality art projects that give children the opportunity to unleash their creativity. The projects span a wide range of media from painting on canvas, clay work, 3D sculpture, printmaking and craft to weaving and sewing. Each term has a range of exciting new projects, so the children develop skills and techniques through new creative experiences.
For even more local kids activities and classes, head to our online business directory, or check out the What’s On calendar for events happening in and around the Melville area.
Here at Melville Mums, we’re always on the look out for new places to go and things to do with the kids. Here’s all the details on a playground in Leeming that’s a welcome addition for local families.
Located at Peter Ellis Park in Leeming, this new playground has something for children of all ages. It may seem small but, with lots of different play equipment, it’s enough to keep even the most energetic kids entertained.
The play equipment includes a slide, climbing wall, nature play-inspired swinging bridge, monkey bars, fireman’s pole, climbing net and nest swing. And there is, of course, lots of sand to dig and play in!
The playground is situated at one end of a massive reserve with ample open space to kick a ball around, and there are even basketball courts a short distance away.
There are no toilets at the park itself, but the playground directly backs onto Leeming Forum where there are public amenities, cafes and shops.
As with many Perth playgrounds, the main disappointment is the lack of shade sails, meaning the sand and equipment is likely to get very hot during the summer. That aside, it’s a great little play space for families in Leeming and surrounding suburbs.
Where: Peter Ellis Park, off Farrington Rd, Leeming (between Striker Indoor Sports & Fitness and Leeming Forum)
If you’ve ever come across a Street Library – or “Little Library” – in your neighbourhood, you may have wondered what it’s all about. So, here’s a bit of info on how you and your family can get involved in this wonderful community initiative.
The Street Library movement officially began in Sydney in November 2015 as a free, easily-accessible way to encourage literacy and community. It has now grown to a network of more than 1500 across Australia, with more and more popping up.
So, how does it work?
The concept is simple – take a book, leave a book. You can either give the borrowed book back to the Street Library network or share it with a friend.
Anyone can have a Street Library in their front yard. All you have to do is either build or buy a “Little Library”, fill it with books then register your library on the Street Library website so others in the local area can make use of it. You may even find that others will have books they’d like to donate. Customising your library is a great way to get those creative juices flowing, and no doubt the kids will love getting involved too!
“Take a Book, Give a Book, Share a Book”
The “Book Nook” 43 Ogilvie Rd, (Cnr Rookwood St), Mt Pleasant
“Words on Widdicombe” 29 Widdicombe Street, Myaree,
Here is a list of the Street Libraries currently registered in the Melville area:
Attadale – La Petite Bibliothèque de Rue, 13 Campion Crescent
Myaree – Books on Bolas, 11 Bolas Court – Words on Widdicombe, 29 Widdicombe St
Palmyra – Melville Cares Community Library, 21-23 Hammad Street
Melville – 54a Coleman Crescent – Little House on the McLean, 56 McLean St
Mount Pleasant – The Book Nook, 43 Ogilvie Rd, (Cnr Rookwood St)
If you know of any others, or you’re thinking of setting up a new Street Library, join us in the Melville Mums Facebook group or leave a comment below.
To learn more about the initiative, or to register your interest in having your own Street Library, head to streetlibrary.org.au.
